Over the Christmas break a few distressing, drawn out conversations, and two pretty intriguing books got me thinking.

This may seem suprising coming from me, but its about time I grew up a little.

I cannot remember the first decade of my life, the second decade was (questionably) enjoyable, and I am not sure what to expect from the third.
This sentence in itself sums up my mantra til now, a view of the world which i am not particularly proud of.

I spent a lot of my younger years dwelling on things I couldn't change, finding the worst in a given situation, and dwelling on the past. It did not, and has not helped me achieve anything. Even until recently i spent a lot of my time just doing generally pointless things.

My university years, as can be expected constituted of a lot of drinking (perhaps too much), partying, and general debauchery. Needless to say it was enjoyable, and I have got a degree BUT I have probably destroyed my body for ever and eternity.

I now find myself questioning myself with "Where am I now", and it became apparent to me that:

  • When I drink and/or go out I become loud and obnoxious (ouch - self deprecation).
  • The above in some way probably contributes to my emotional swings.
  • My social connections are all positively and negatively affected by the above to varying extents.

I thus decided that my new year is going to be based around personal change. After all I am now a proper adult, I need to make a living, and be more responsible for myself.

My business and what I do is also what I enjoy. I have illiquid assets which are probably worth a lot of money if one has the patience to wait - I do.
My websites are hobbies, interests, and passions. I know that developed websites can make significant amounts of money but that is not my expertise. I will have to learn how to earn. I will have to learn how to market an idea. Fortunately I enjoy learning. I intend to maintain the same positivity towards what I do, with perhaps a little less naivity. If I have to get a job to pay my rent, I'll dent my pride for the greater good.

Education wise - I should not have done a degree in Economics. Computer science, or Psychology are more relevant to my interests. Oops - you live and learn. Now I can just learn about interesting Psychology.

Psyche. I am going to say its a cliche, but I really don't know if it is, but I am going to become a nicer person. Well maybe not nicer, but I'm going to change my approach to things - realise whats important, get my priorities straight, enjoy life a bit more etc. The aforementioned two books: "Feel the fear and do it anyway"; and "The Chimp Paradox" - really good reads. In their approach, they are very 'different', they relate to mind management and positivity really. They have very much changed my attitudes in life, mainly because rather than doing something as a challenge they detail why and how certain mindsets etc. can help.
I can imagine my friends having the cynical attitude that I previously had that for example "Surrounding yourself with positivity" - putting cool quotes on your walls, and listening to positive music and affirmations is pretty ridiculous. Unfortunately and annoyingly there is also a whole chapter devoted to who you associate yourself with, and it essentially comes down to I'm going to be positive and enjoy my life some more. If you don't want to join me, coolio, peace out.

One such idea that I thought would be interesting is '365 risks'. The premise is simple - each day you take a risk. Not like a huge risk like having your laptop plugged into the mains whilst watching Dexter in the bath, but rather things that you just wouldnt normally do to experience a bit more of yourself and the world. For example: buy the big issue - for all I know it may be a good read; buy a copy of the kamasutra from waterstones; signing up for an international marathon; getting a symbolic tattoo etc.
I'm then going to document these things on my blog mainly as a way to remind myself and keep focus in my life.

So there you go, Risk 1. Posting this.